Are you gay?

A majority of people that I have met in my life are under the impression, since I have never dated, kissed, or even held hand with a girl, and am of the habit of shutting females down cold when they (often aggressively) go after me for dates or straight up sexual hookups, that either I have been having lots of Secret Homosexual Intercourse on the down-low like a young Andy Warhol... or even worse that I am closeted to such a degree that I cannot even come to terms with my own Fanatical Regard for Male Genitalia, and therefore live in a state of such tragic denial that I would go insane were I ever to enter a disco club or watch my son seemingly performing oral acts of pleasure on a neighbor like the Nazi souvenir collector in the film "American Beauty".

In actuality however I have also been turning down all of the not inconsiderable number of male advances on my person as well.