Would you have been able to live with yourself if you had tried and failed? Perhaps this self-doubt arose as way to protect yourself!

I was not afraid of failing, I was afraid of succeeding. It is really terrifying to consider the idea that you have taken away the life or rightful opportunities someone you love deserves or normally would have, in fact I think that this is my greatest fear. Naturally I would never want to cause her the pain of a failed relationship but those can be learning experiences, I saw physical evidence within myself that I do not belong in a relationship with anyone, it is like the "positive illusions" fell away and I was able to see my nature with total clarity separate from my ego. Even as she instilled in me a serious self-discipline I never had before, better empathy, a love for humanity, and any number of other traits I was a bowl molded from clay, whereas some could be sculpted from diamond.